The Freedom to Choose

Fate, destiny, determinism, providence, predestination, call it what you will, all these terms basically mean the same thing. When you see your path as predetermined, specific results are expected and, practically, inescapable. In other words, fate implies that an inevitable outcome will occur and more importantly, there’s nothing you can do to affect that outcome.

I’m here to tell you that yes, it is very likely that you’re stuck and not in control of your own destiny. Sorry.

Whatt!??!

HOWEVER…

You can CHOOSE to DO something about it.

Table of Contents show

Zombie-State

How many times have you heard someone say – why does this happen to me? Or, just my luck! These people think that you can only take life as it comes at you. They are expecting bad things to happen to them because that’s just their ‘lot in life’. They don’t take control of their lives because they don’t REALIZE that’s even a possibility.

I call this ‘zombie-state’.

Zombie-state is when you play by the rules; you follow the well-trodden path in life. You are reactive. It’s when you do exactly what you’re supposed to do in life. We all know it when we see it because 95% of people adhere to it. (I’m just pulling that percentage out of my ass.)

But there’s 5% of people out there that know the secret sauce – you can CHOOSE to DO something and BE something different. You can make a conscious and intentional decision to design your own path. It’s not easy, nor is it straight forward, but you can do it, with perseverance.

I want you to really ask yourself: when was the last time you went against social conventions? When was the last time you did anything outside the norm?

For most, it was probably a long time ago – probably when you were young, brash, and wild. And even then, that’s what “kids were supposed to do”. Life has a way of having guard rails or bumpers – you drift out of the lane too far and you’ll be bounced right back into the traffic flow.

Break the mold! Why not go off-roading?

Why do we sacrifice the best years of our life and never take a chance on a dream? What’s the worst that could happen? Worst case scenario: we end up back at our current lives.

Whether it’s fear of failure, fear of success, change, or the unknown, or whatever, it all prevents people from making the leap and living the life of their dreams. They never end up following their passions and they stay in zombie-state, forever. How sad would it be to live your entire life and not really feel alive.

Zombie-state is the easy way out. It’s the tried and true way. Make the choice to do something different; search for your meaning. I assure you; you won’t regret it.

“Two Roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.”
– Robert Frost

When you approach your last days, do you really want to wonder, what if? What if things were different? Why didn’t I just try that business venture? What if I actually followed my heart?

Escape the Rat Race

People CAN change their stars; we CAN transform our lives, break free, and out of zombie-state. We have free will to direct our course in life and change the world. But you have to CHOOSE to make that a reality.

The concept of existentialism is a fancy way of saying this. It is the philosophy that emphasizes that an individual is free and can determine their own development through acts of will.

It’s unfortunate that very few people take the leap to take control of their lives. Many people find it easier to keep on chugging away, staying in their little status quo bubble, and not take control of their lives. And that’s completely fine.

But I think we all want more out of life than “just fine”. We all only have one chance at life, we need to live it to the fullest. Let’s not play the what if game or have regrets. Let’s not let someone else dictate our decisions. It’s time to take back control. Live the life you desire and follow your dreams.

Some might say – “yeah, that’s great… for you; but I have a family to feed, bills to pay, and don’t have the luxury of following my dreams”. I would tell those people that with a destination in mind, anything is possible. All you have to do is make little changes towards your end goal, every day, and after years, you’ll get to where you want to be.

It all comes down to choice – you can choose to do anything you want. But then you need the grit to follow through, day after day.

You can’t follow all your dreams, but you can at least pursue some of them. Personally, I’m trying to minimize regrets in my life. That’s Why this website even exists.

A Tale of Two Couples

I was very lucky growing up. I lived in a safe community with loving parents. But I had an extra bonus, I also lived right down the road from my grandparents. It was like I had two sets of parents.

Growing up, I got a chance to observe both my parents and grandparents and their two very different approaches to life.

My immediate family consisted of my mom, dad, and sister. My mom stayed at home to raise my sister and me, while dad worked to support our family. We had a loving house, but my parents strangely never thought too far ahead. They never wanted more out of life. They were content with things the way they were; nothing ever seemed to change. Our house never went through any improvements, my dad just expected to work forever, and that was really it. It was all very… mundane. When it came to preparing for their retirement, my parents took a half-hearted approach and did very little planning or saving.

Unfortunately, my mom passed away in her 60s and when my dad finally retired it was at the ripe old age of 70. And even then, my dad had no plan; he only retired when he was semi-forced out of his job. He’s lucky enough to be in good health well into his 70s. We now spend quite a bit of time with him and he always is in good spirits. He has a great disposition, but he definitely takes life as it comes at him.

My grandparents, on the other hand, loved to travel, tinker in their hobbies, and spend a lot of time with family. They knew what made them happy and took a different approach to life and their retirement.

They engineered a life that would allow them to indulge in the “finer things” and follow their true passions. Their professions were the means to an end. They had a plan; they knew that a teaching career would allow them to have many more years to spend in retirement and pursue their dreams. Teaching gave them pensions and the ability to retire at a younger age than other professions. They knew some of their interests might be on the more expensive side, so they were also prodigious savers.

By 55, they were both done teaching and enjoying their golden years in style: snow-birding in Florida for months, cruising the world, and enjoying their grandchildren. My sister and I spent a lot of time with them – between their twice daily walks and family dinners. They had many great years of life together before my grandfather passed away at 81. My grandmother, God bless her, is still alive at 98!

Seeing both my parents’ and grandparents’ relationships, attitudes, and actions definitely shaped my impressions on adulthood and what was important in life.

My grandparents had a vision and a Big Picture plan to live out the life of their dreams – retire early, spend time with children and grandchildren, and travel the world. By taking full advantage of their time and their golden years, they designed their life and it paid off. They were able to enjoy the fruits of their labor.

My mom never got a chance to live her golden years. But my dad is still around and in good health. He’s pretty much a homebody, but my sister and I drag him out on memorable trips every year. He was lucky enough to have a pension and social security. But without those retirement fail safes, he would be in a very different position than he is now because he didn’t save much otherwise. Part of me wonders how his life would be different if he was a little more thoughtful with his life plan.

“Life presents many choices, the choices we make determine our future.”
– Catherine Pulsifer

Intentionality

So, what was the difference between my parents and grandparents?

I’ll give you one guess: Intentionality.

They knew what made their heart sing; they knew their WHY.

The other night my friend, Dennis and I were talking about an old high school buddy, Jim. Jim was starting a YouTube channel.

Dennis took a mildly sardonic view of Jim’s videos, which were actually pretty good. “Does he really think that it’ll take off? He’ll never reach people or make an impact. It’s astonishing that Jim deludes himself enough that he thinks he’ll succeed. His ‘naivete’ is really amazing.”

First off, I couldn’t believe the timing of his observation – I was writing earlier in the day about steering your life and here Dennis is bringing it up in real life!

Typically, Dennis and I agree on a lot of various principles and values. But in this instance, it made me a little sad he thought this way. Dennis and I are best of friends, but he has a very cookie cutter life – everything is pretty much the model of the American Dream, right down to the white picket fence.

“Easy Choices, Hard Life. Hard Choices, Easy Life”

I thought about it for a minute and told Dennis, “I mean, yeah, Jim might not succeed with his YouTube channel or his goals; it’s really hard to break out and make something happen. But if no one ever went against the grain or believed in an idea or cause, then we would never have invented anything, built anything, or, hell, created our modern civilization. Everything that surrounds us all started as one person’s nebulous idea to do something different, then creating a plan, executing that plan, and making adjustments as necessary.”

[UPDATE: 1 Year Later – Jim’s YouTube channel has over 130,000 subscribers and over 6 million views.]

I guess Dennis’ stance shouldn’t have surprised me. Dennis lives his life very… by the book, like my father; neither of them strays far from social norms.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a fine way to live, if these things make you happy. But are they so indoctrinated that they can’t make decisions for themselves? Can they not see through the forest to the whole world on the other side? Maybe sticking to the norm is the only thing they know.

Flip the Switch

I believe that there needs to be an “enlightenment moment” in a person’s life. Basically, there’s a triggering situation, time period, or event where you not only realize you’re not happy on your current trajectory, but you see that taking a different path is feasible.

When people are too realistic, they think nothing can change and then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” and all that jazz. But when you believe something is possible, you can then take actions to make it a reality. This is creating change and not leaving your future to fate, someone else, or other forces unseen. If you don’t take control of your life, someone else will.

In essence, the first step in realizing you can change your circumstance is believing you can make the change. If you can’t even believe in the direction or goal you want to achieve, you’ve already lost. The second step is making a concrete and specific plan of action. And the third is executing that plan through to completion.

This is the pivotal mindset shift needed to understand that you can direct the course of your life. You can steer your life towards a bright future, instead of just being a passenger in your own life. Some people just never get there.

For a long time, I did exactly that – I did what I was ‘supposed to do’. I tried to perform to the best of my abilities in every facet of my life – school, relationships, college, career. My coworkers, my friends, and my family applauded my success. And yet, I felt miserable. I lived the life others expected of me.

And I still trucked on and pushed myself through it. I felt trapped and I believed I had no control over my life. After all, this is what society said would be a great life. I was a sleepwalker going through the motions and miserable because of it.

Deep down, I always knew that the cookie-cutter life wasn’t for me; I was cut from a different mold.

Because I was just reacting to my life, unsurprisingly, external events started to escalate out of my control and I needed a very dramatic change. I started to create an exit strategy out of my old life.

Four months later, I flipped the switch and completely shifted my lifestyle into something I was more ‘at peace’ with. It’s still a work in progress, but the worst is behind me and I feel a lot lighter these days.

Tying It All Together

Once you realize that you can literally DO ANYTHING and not just let life happen to you, it’s an amazing and freeing experience. You don’t have to be locked into a job you hate, a crappy relationship, or the course others expect of you. We can throw away cultural and societal norms; You are the master of your own destiny.

Imagine if the citizens of the world could embrace and accept the abundance of choices all around them? They could be active and present in their lives like never before – working on things that make a difference and not be a forgotten cog in the wheel.

If we take this a step further, we have to understand that ‘the whole is greater than the sum of the parts’. Yes, people can use this “can do” attitude on an individual, micro scale, but envision what we could do on a macro scale, together. The possibilities are endless if everyone could come together to affect a positive change in the world. The freedom to choose, when paired with a strong collective momentum, are the bedrocks for creating A Grand Future.

To affect the world, society, and civilization we will need to work together. Alone, our voices are small but, cooperatively, we can make the positive change we want to see in our world.

In the 1930’s the world sat by idly watching while Hitler and the Nazi party started invading neighboring countries. World War II broke out and still many countries stayed on the sidelines, including the US. Americans let evil persist; they didn’t think it was their problem. Then it got scary and war started knocking on our back door, literally.

Pearl Harbor was that catalyst event. We couldn’t afford to stay out any longer. Our country made a huge pivot. The sleeping giant was woken up. Our industrial output shifted to prepare America for war. The choice was made, the whole country was on board. Together with our allies, we executed the biggest military action in the history of the world and changed the landscape of the world forever.

We believed we could turn the tide. We had a bold plan to rid the world of fascism, then executed on that plan. Five years later, World War II ended in victory for the US and its allies.

We are now facing a different battle. We need to choose to safeguard the future of the world. The people of the world need to come together again to protect the planet and its citizens.

Everyone has the freedom to choose and make deliberate change in their lives. Not only do we ultimately have control of our own individual destiny, but we can choose to change the whole world.

We are at a precipice, but the future is not predetermined! The choice is ours; let’s make the world a better place, together.